We all know that life isn't all a bed of roses. Despite our best efforts, things happen to us that we have little or no control over. Some things might be quite minor (such as losing your house keys) which might be an inconvenience, but others can have a significant impact on your life and on your development from that point forward.
Obvious things might be ...
Death - either your own (!) or that of someone close to you. You may feel lost, and somewhat adrift. You may feel anger, resentment, guilt, or all of these, and, of course, a sadness that seems like it may never leave you.
Birth - having children REALLY changes how you live your life. Plans change, the focus of attention is no longer yourself and your own 'trajectory' through life, the child becomes the centre of everything ... for YEARS !!!
Illness - becoming seriously ill can impact development. It may mean an unexpected and permanent change in your plans, career, living situation, degree of independence, etc. Illnesses can be chronic (long lasting), Acute (short term), Mental Illnesses, or the results of accidents.
Disability - as for illness, a disability that develops after birth (blindness might be one example), it may mean an unexpected and permanent change in your plans, career, living situation, degree of independence, etc. Sometimes, of course, disability is congenital (present at birth) and so may not result in a CHANGE of plans, but may impact your development so that in any one or more of the 'strands' of development you experience a 'deficit'.
Going into a home/care - At whatever age, losing your independence can be very traumatic, but perhaps this is more pronounced for the elderly who have lived full, independent lives, and then find themselves reliant on others in order for their needs to be met. It can result in resentment and, for many, a very real sense of loss (for their 'old life')
Family disruption - Deaths, births, and family members moving away all change the 'shape' of the family, and, for some, this can have a real impact on their 'grounding'. Some people experience loss for what came before, and it can take a lot of adjusting to the 'new normal'. Similarly, separation and/divorce or the loss of the family home can 'shake our confidence' and our sense of self, and this can adversely affect development.
Abuse - People who have experience abuse can be left with a real mixed bag of feeling about their experiences. Many feel anger and resentment, many feel shame, but almost all feel like they are 'less of a person' and so the experience has a real impact on the social and emotional development of the individual, making healthy relationship building challenging.
Loss - from death (see above) or from going into care (again, see above). Loss is a huge issue for people moving into care. They can be left essentially grieving for everything they had before going into care, and, can feel like they have lost any autonomy and independence. When we start looking into the work of Carl Rogers you will see why it is so important that we try, as much as possiblem, to provide a genuinely 'person centred' way of working.
Anything that we do that keeps us physically and mentally healthy is good for us ...
Exercise, healthy diet, keeping our brains active, getting out into fresh air, finding 'me' time, etc.
Things that are 'bad' for us might have an impact on our development ...
Smoking, drinking, drug taking, promiscuity, bad diet, addictions, etc.
But it's not always that straight forward. Exercise, for example, can become addictive, and can also cause damage to joints (joggers, for example, often have 'bad knees' later in life). It can have an adverse affect on our physical health, then, and also on our emotional state ! Some people become so addicted to exercise they become anxious and depressed if they have to miss training sessions.
And smoking is, without doubt, bad for our physical health ... but for many it offers a means of dealing with difficult or challenging times. It helps them relax and take time out to think things through.
Lifestyle, then, does have an impact on our development, but it's not 'black and white'. It is almost impossible to say exactly how a particular lifestyle choice will impact an individual because it depends on how often or how much they do of something, and how well they are able to cope with it.
Let's take smoking as an example.
96 year old Arthur Jones has smoked since he was 15. Smoking approximately 20 cigarettes a day, he appears to be none the worse for it, and continues to enjoy what he refers to as 'his only vice'. Arthur often drives to the neighbouring town to visit his nephew, 72 year old James, who lives in the care home. James also smokes around 20 cigarettes a day, and also started when he was 15, but he has only 6 months to live. He developed, age 47, COPD, as a consequence of smoking, and has been reliant on oxygen for the last 8 years. Because of his shortness of breath, he has required visiting carers to help with home living for the past 6 years, and has been in the care home for the last 12 months because he was no longer safe at home.